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This turned out to be an important distinction for me. When I first thought about talking with A. That would have made me happy. As I sat with the situation for a while, I realized that she truly had the right to her own opinion, and that she might have viable reasons for continuing the relationship. I simply told her my fears and observations and left it there.
But what made me think I should say anything in the first place? That brings me to my final guideline:. This comes down to energy as well. Sometimes when we choose to wait, our energy clears and the situation resolves by itself.
Sometimes, we continue to feel upset or to ruminate about the situation. This is the time to check our own baggage. We have to carefully and honestly assess how much of our upset feelings are due to our own issues, and deal with them first. In the case of my sister, aside from my personal sadness, I truly felt that she was getting in over her head with a narcissist. This put me in a bind, because every time she would talk to me about him, I felt inauthentic and upset for hiding my true feelings.
After we spoke, my energetic quandary was resolved, even though the situation remained the same. She chose to stay with him but promised to be careful and go slowly. I no longer had to hide my feelings which was a relief , but I also gave up trying to change her behavior and worked on my own issues about the situation instead. Deciding whether to speak or not to speak, and what to say when we do, is an ongoing issue throughout every day, and energy is the key to communication that truly achieves what we want it to achieve, with the least potential for harm.
Amaya Pryce is a life coach and writer living in the Pacific Northwest. For coaching or to follow her blog, please visit www.
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Speaking up is an important form of honesty. Honesty actually builds trust, especially when combined with tact and empathy. Demonstrate that you will be truthful with people, that you care about them, and that you give good advice, and you will never lack for trusting friends and followers. No one else may know. You can't assume the obvious is obvious. Your experience and knowledge has value in a given situation. No one else has your unique perspective. That doesn't mean that everything in your brain is worth communicating, but with a little discretion and thought, you should be able to bring value in most situations.
And your piece of the puzzle may be the most important finisher. You're also not doing yourself any favors by not sharing your expertise.
People don't automatically recognize your skills, values, ambitions, and desires when you are quiet. If you wait around for people to notice or read your mind, you will likely end up on many paths that are not of your own choosing. You may end up with projects you don't want, missing promotions you do, or accepting tasks you don't have time or ability to complete. Gather up your confidence and share. You may not be alone in your thinking. It's entirely possible that your insightful observations and conclusions have surfaced in the minds of others.
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